


Freek Squad

by Dongstar



Series: Freek Squad [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Big Cock, Breeding, Futa, Futanari, Hooters, Large Breasts, Large Cock, Multi, One Big Happy Family, Other, Retail, breastarant, cumflation, hyper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:34:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28624941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dongstar/pseuds/Dongstar
Summary: Billie was hoping to take a year off after graduating high school to chill out and play videogames. Too bad her mom has other ideas. Billie's mom gets her a job at Bust Buy, a big-boob-themed electronics superstore.Billie's not packing as much in the way of bust as her coworkers, but she more than makes up for it in dick. Which is perfect, because she's going to be a member of the Freek Squad, an aptly-named collection of oddballs who might just make working at Bust Buy more interesting than she thought...
Series: Freek Squad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097612
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Freek Squad

**Author's Note:**

> Patreons got to read this a week early! Please support the author: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=27441996

Billie dashed across the open terrain between the two warehouses. It was a dangerous move, but Bille hadn’t gotten to where she was by being careful.  
Luckily, no one spotted her. She ducked behind a section of broken wall, clutching her M-16 rifle close to her chest.  
“I’m in position,” she radioed her squadmates.  
“Copy, B-Town,” answered Juicebox. “Wait for my signal, then ambush the enemy patrol when it crosses your line of fire.”  
“Copy that,” answered Billie. This was gonna be sweet.  
“Billie!”  
No time for distractions. Billie narrowed her eyes, focusing on her objective.  
“B-Town, now!” yelled Juicebox.  
Billie jumped out from behind cover and started firing wildly at the enemy patrol that had just come into sight.  
“Eat lead, motherfuckers!” Billie shouted gleefully as her M-16 spat hot death.  
“Billie!”  
Billie couldn’t hear anything over the sound of her M-16. One of the enemies was down but the other had made it to cover in time and she’d only winged him. She dashed off in pursuit, crouching low as she ran.  
“In pursuit of one bogey,” said Billie.  
The enemy took potshots at her from behind a nearby pillar, but Billie rolled out of the way at the last second.  
“Got you now, asshole.” Billie licked her lips with anticipation as she looked down the sights of her M-16 at her target’s exposed shoulder.  
“Billie, I’ve been calling you for the past five minutes!” Billie’s mom pulled Billie’s headphone aside and yelled directly into her ear.  
Billie squeaked and her game control flew out of her hands. She fumbled to catch it, accidentally causing her character to spin crazily and fire into the air.  
“Mom!” complained Billie. “You almost got me killed!”  
“It’s time to pause the game, sweetie. You’ll be late for work!” said Mom.  
“I can’t pause, it’s an online game!” said Billie, regaining control of her character and running for cover from a hail of bullets.  
“Then it’s time to log off,” said Mom.  
“I will in a second.” Billie straightened her headphones and leaned back in her chair, gripping the edge of her desk with her bare toes.  
She was back in control now. Her health had taken a few hits but she’d made it to cover in time. Now if she could just…  
Billie’s mom yanked the controller cable out of the socket.  
“Mom!” she cried.  
The enemy found her hiding place and shot her character in the face. He slumped over and the respawn counter began counting down from forty.  
“B-Town, what happened?” asked Juicebox. “B-town?”  
Billie’s Mom snatched the headset off Billie’s head and spoke into the microphone.  
“Sorry. B-Town can’t play anymore today; she has to go to work,” she said.  
Billie could hear laughter coming from the headset. She snatched it away from her mom.  
“Sorry guys, gee to gee eye ar ell.” Billie scowled at her mom and logged out of the game.  
“I’ve got your uniform all laid out for you,” said Mom. She gestured to Billie’s bed, where a shirt, shorts, hat and gloves lay neatly folded.  
Billie picked up the tiny black shorts and stretched it between her pinched fingers. Her lip curled in disgust.  
“Really, Mom?” complained Billie. “There’s no way I’m wearing these! I’ll look like a freak!”  
Billie’s mom pulled out a hairbrush and started attacking her daughter’s messy frizz of sand-colored locks.  
“What do you think all the other girls will be wearing?” Mom spoke around a hairpin pressed between her lips as she arranged Billie’s hair into a twisted bun updo.  
“Yeah, I don’t think the other girls have the same assets as me, Mom.” Billie reached down and wrapped her hand around the length of flaccid cock dangling from the leg opening of her striped boxer shorts. Even completely flaccid, the pink beast was as big around as a water bottle and swung just shy of her kneecaps. She wiggled the mammoth member at her mom for emphasis.  
Billie’s mom pursed her lips as she looked down at her daughter’s waggling meat.  
“That reminds me, you should probably change your underwear. Do you have anything besides boxer shorts?” she asked.  
“I like boxer shorts, Mom,” said Billie. “They let my junk breathe.”  
“You’ll look pretty foolish with six inches of underwear poking from the bottom of your uniform shorts,” observed Mom.  
“I’ll look pretty foolish with twelve inches of girlcock dangling from the bottom of my shorts, too!” Billie shook her cock again.  
Billie’s mom rolled her eyes.  
“Don’t be silly, dear, the shorts have a pouch for that!” She picked up the pair of black uniform shorts and stuffed her fist inside. Sure enough, the shorts had a baggy pouch in front large enough to accommodate even Billie’s monster member. As long as it was flaccid anyway.  
Billie took the shorts with a skeptical look. She let her boxers fall to her ankles and stepped into the shorts, pulling them up snug.  
“Oh, Billie!” Billie’s mom covered her face in her hands.  
“What? I don’t have any other underwear besides boxers,” said Billie, reaching down and arranging everything so that it fit neatly into the pouch. Even with the extra slack in the shorts’ front, it was still a tight squeeze. Billie also had her balls to consider. Each of her testicles was roughly the size of an avocado.  
Billie’s mom frowned at the sliver of bare asscrack peeking out from the back of Billie’s shorts.  
“I’ll see what I can pick up for you while I’m out today,” she said.  
Billie pulled off her t-shirt and picked up her uniform polo.  
“Ah ah!” Billie’s mom raised a finger. “Don’t forget the bra I bought you!”  
“Mom!”  
“You’re working at Bust Buy, dear. Emphasis on the bust,” said Mom. “Obviously it would be better if you were built more like me, but we work with what we’re given.”  
Billie’s mom paused for a moment to admire her cleavage in the mirror. Even in her late forties, her tits were still big enough and firm enough to put women less than half her age to shame.  
Billie, for instance. At eighteen and a half years old, most of her growth was behind her, at least in the chest department, and she barely filled out a B-cup.  
The bra Billie’s mother had bought her was heavily padded. It squeezed every ounce of titmeat up into something resembling cleavage, and then added a few cup sizes worth of stuffing. With her uniform shirt on, Billie looked like at least a double D.  
Billie finished getting dressed and examined herself in the mirror. She took off her glasses to polish them, realized the rough fabric of the polo shirt was unsuitable, and put them back on in frustration.  
Billie’s work uniform consisted of black short-shorts, a tight black polo shirt tucked into her waistband, a black baseball cap with orange trim, and—for some unfathomable reason—black fingerless gloves. The shirt and ballcap were emblazoned with the orange “Freek Squad” logo.  
Billie cocked her hips. The motion made the enormous bulge in the front of her shorts jiggle.  
“Freak squad is right,” she sighed.  
She looked down at her legs. The short shorts showed off every pale inch of her long, skinny legs. Billie felt like a stork.  
At least she wasn’t bad looking in the face, she thought. Half-Jewish and half-Chinese, Billie’s features managed to compromise with mostly the best of both worlds, even if her slightly upturned eyes did look a little out of place on her otherwise very western facial structure. Not that her eyes drew much attention considering they were framed by thick-rimmed square hipster glasses.  
She was at least grateful for her late father’s micropenis. If it hadn’t been for his small dick genes working to counteract her mom’s BIG dick genes, Billie’s shorts wouldn’t have stood a chance.  
“I’ve got the car started!” Billie’s mom called from downstairs.  
Billie ran her thumb along the bill of her ballcap and gave the mirror one last scowl before hurrying downstairs.

***  
Billie opened the back door of the car and started to rearrange the pile of junk taking up the back seat.  
“Ah ah! Don’t touch that!” snapped Mom. “That’s fragile!”  
Billie’s mom restored antiques for resale down at the local antique shop. Most of the backseat was taken up by an old, flea-bitten rocking horse and several greasy oil lanterns of various design.  
“I’ll be careful,” said Billie.  
“The front seat is open,” said Mom.  
“I don’t want to sit in the front.” Billie knew what sitting in the front meant.  
“What so you want to sit in the back like I’m a taxi driver?” asked Mom.  
Billie rolled her eyes and slumped into the front seat.  
“Hold this, would you, dear?” Mom dropped something heavy and warm in Billie’s lap.  
Billie shuddered. Her mom’s cock was like a fireplace log. She could feel the pulse of her mom’s heartbeat even through the fabric of the polka-dot cock cozy.  
“It gets in the way of the pedals,” said Mom.  
“I know,” sighed Billie.  
Mom’s cock got in the way of practically everything. Even with most of her cock draped across Billie’s lap, the bulge of mom’s scrotum still rose nearly to the middle of the steering wheel. God forbid they should even get in so much as a fender bender.  
Billie rode in stony silence, staring out the window and trying to think about anything but the weight and heat of her mom’s cock pressing on her lap. The warm press of her mom’s oversized cock reminded Billie that she hadn’t jerked off yet that morning. She could feel the pressure building in her nuts, making her tight shorts even tighter.  
“You’ll like working at Bust Buy,” said Mom, trying to break the awkward quiet. “You love computers and things.”  
“I’d like not working there even better,” huffed Billie.  
“I told you, if you’re not going to go to college, then you’re going to get a job,” said Mom.  
“I told you I was taking a year off!” Billie snapped. “I just graduated high school!”  
“Well you can make some money while you take the year off,” said Mom.  
Billie grumbled under her breath about how she doubted her mother knew what “off” meant.  
“What was that?” asked Mom, sternly.  
Billie felt her mom’s cock throb a little as her temper rose.  
“Nothing.” Billie pressed her face up against the window and looked up at the sky.  
They pulled up in front of Bust Buy a few minutes later.  
“I’ll pick you up at eight thirty,” said Mom.  
Eight thirty. Nine hours away. What the hell was she supposed to do for nine hours?  
Billie picked up her bag and used it to cover her crotch as she made her way toward the automatic doors of her new workplace.   
This was the first time Billie had been out in public since graduating high school, and her anxiety flared up like a forest fire. She’d been teased mercilessly in school for her enormous cock, and now all those painful memories came flooding back.  
Crossing the thirty foot gap seemed to take an eternity. Though nobody was even looking in her direction, she felt as though the eyes of the whole world were on her.  
“Welcome to Bust Buy!” a cheerful girl with enormous tits greeted a customer coming in at the same time as Billie.  
Bust Buy was the electronics retail industry’s last ditch attempt to stay relevant in the age of online shopping. Taking its cue from Hooters and other novelty “breastaurants,” Bust Buy was almost entirely staffed by young, attractive, well-endowed women.  
The Bust Buy model had been surprisingly successful. A whole chain of Bust Buys had sprung up almost overnight, with more stores slated to open over the next few months. Other chains had followed suit. Circuit Titty, Boobages, Di’s Electron-tits and Radio Rack among the most prominent. There was suddenly so much work for big-titted women that Bust Buy had to relax its hiring standards a bit to stay competitive.  
That’s where Billie came in.  
Billie was not technically a woman but a female-presenting hermaphrodite, colloquially known as a “futanari.” She was also not technically well-endowed, at least as far as boobs were concerned. Unfortunately for Billie, Bust Buy was desperate enough that there was apparently plenty of wiggle room in the rules, if not in the shorts.  
Everywhere Billie looked there were enormous knockers. A girl with tits bigger than her head helped a customer with picking out one of Bust Buy’s signature line of oppai mousepads. The customer of course had his eyes locked firmly on the girl’s tits and didn’t seem to care which mousepad she’d picked out for him.  
Of course most of Bust Buy’s customers were pathetic men desperate for some female attention. She saw one or two female customers, even a couple of families, but the vast majority of Bust Buy’s customer base were definitely dudes.  
To Billie’s left, a woman with perky double-d’s pretended to giggle as she posed for a photo with a slobbering yokel.  
At the cash register, an unfortunate girl struggled to reach around her watermelon-sized tits to work the buttons, blushing as the impact of one of her massive mammaries on the keyboard accidentally switched the computer language to Swahili. The gaping customer didn’t seem to mind at all.  
The sight of so many bountiful boobies made Billie’s shorts even tighter. She was so overawed by the acres of cleavage on display that she didn’t look where she was going and plowed face first into the biggest pair yet.  
“Oof!” Billie fought to extricate herself from the voluminous cleavage that had engulfed her entire head.  
“Hey, Billie!” came a cheerful voice from up above.  
Billie fumbled to straighten her glasses and looked for where the voice had come from.  
“My eyes are up here, sport,” laughed the owner of the giant boobs.  
Billie looked up, but could only see the underside of the girl’s vast tits. She took a step back.  
“Oh, hey uhhh… Amy, right?” said Billie, recognizing the big girl that had walked her through orientation the week before. The girl had long, auburn bangs that covered her eyes and made her look a bit like a sheepdog. She was tall, over six feet, and built like a brick shithouse. She had freckles on her cheeks, a sort of turned-up nose, sturdy legs like tree trunks and burly arms thick with muscle hidden beneath a rounding layer of baby fat.  
“Alice.” Alice smiled, showing off a broad row of teeth caged in a set of adult braces. Despite Alice’s large size, her gentle voice was that of a much smaller girl.  
The towering redhead looked down at the shelf of her enormous boobs and noticed Billie’s ballcap was still sitting on her tits. She plucked it off and dropped it on Billie’s head like a dad humoring his young son.  
“Here you go, sport,” said Alice. “Don’t want to lose that on your first day. They take it out of your paycheck.”  
Alice was one of those girls who ended every sentence with a little half laugh, except when she was sad, when it was a little half cry instead.  
“Come on, I’ll show you the ropes.” The huge girl clapped a beefy hand across Billie’s back and steered her over toward the Freek Squad counter, where the other squad members busied themselves with various tasks. Billie’s Converse sneakers squeaked on the linoleum as she hurried to stay ahead of Alice’s guiding hand.  
“Team, this is Bille.” Alice gave Billie a tiny shove that almost sent the smaller girl sprawling.  
Billie staggered forward several steps and caught herself on the edge of the counter.  
“Hi uhh… I’m Billie,” said Billie, waving awkwardly.  
A slim, black-haired girl slammed her well-manicured hands on the counter just inches from Billie’s face, causing Billie to jump back in fright.  
“Alice, where have you been?” demanded the black-haired girl, her tits quivering with fury. “We are swamped here!”  
“I was helping the new girl,” said Alice. “This is Billie—”  
“I’ve got customers lined up halfway to Home Appliances!” The girl gestured to a line consisting of about four people, one of whom was already being tended to by another member of the Freek squad.  
“Ok, Jodie, just breathe.” Alice came around to the other side of the counter and started rubbing the black-haired girl’s arms. One of Alice’s hands looked large enough to completely encircle the twig-thin girl’s waist.  
“Right… you’re right…” said Jodie, flipping her inky black ponytail back over her shoulders. “I just need to breathe.”  
Jodie was just about to melt completely into Alice’s massage when finally noticed Billie staring at her.  
“Who’s your—ah... friend?” Jodie pointed a shiny nail at the end of a long, slender finger at Billie.  
“This is Billie. She’ll be joining our shift,” answered Alice, still massaging Jodie’s shoulders.  
“Oh! Wonderful! Wonderful!” Jodie wrung her hands before reaching out to Billie. “Pleased to meet you!”  
Billie shook Jodie’s hand gently, afraid he might shatter the delicate, birdlike bones inside.  
“Come on over to this side,” laughed Alice. “That’s where the customers stand.”  
Billie walked around and let herself through the gate to the employee side of the Freek Squad counter.  
“So, you’ve already met Jodie.” Alice gestured to the twig thin girl with the long black hair.  
Jodie gave a little curtsy. It should be mentioned at this point that although Jodie in nearly all other ways resembled a sticklike waif from a Tim Burton stop-motion animated film, she had very large—and somewhat pointy—tits that extended out to either side of her slim torso and jiggled without even the slightest provocation. Even the very action of her breathing imparted a minute quiver to the tips of her nipples, which were very visible even through the fabric of her polo shirt.  
“Briar and Farrah are both out on a run, so you’ll have to meet then when they get back,” said Alice, but in the meantime, this is Priscilla.”  
Alice moved on to the next girl, a scowling shortstack with such large tits for her little body that if the girl stood with her arms straight out in front of her, the tips of her stubby fingers would only just barely reach past the ends of her fat, doughnut-sized nipples. Her long, straight, pink hair hung down practically to the floor.  
“Call me Piglet,” grunted Priscilla.  
“Uhh, pleased to meet you,” said Billie.  
“What are you smuggling salamis in there?” Piglet pointed up at the prominent bulge in Billie’s shorts. “With a bulge like that you should be working at Cockbuster Video, not Bust Buy.”  
Billie blushed beet red and tried to pull her shirt down to cover the bulge of her dick, but of course with no luck.  
“Piglet be nice,” said Alice.  
“What?” Piglet smiled wickedly.  
Alice pushed Piglet aside with her foot and moved on to the next girl.  
“This is Viper,” said Alice, gesturing down to a lanky girl wearing black lipstick and a look of concentration as she mashed her thumbs frantically against the screen of her smartphone to catch coins.  
“Hey.” Viper didn’t even look up.  
“No phones during work hours,” said Alice. She pinched Viper’s phone between her thumb and forefinger and pulled it away.  
“Hey!” objected Viper.  
“Introduce yourself,” urged Alice, tucking the confiscated phone into her vast cleavage.  
Viper rolled her poison-green eyes and flipped a purple bang out of her face. Half her head was shaved and the other half chopped off in an angled bob that left the back of her head shaved as well. She had many holes for piercings, presumably removed during work hours. She wore a long-sleeved spandex shirt underneath her work polo. Billie could see the shadows of twin sleeve tattoos through the tight fabric.  
“I’m Venus, but everyone calls me Viper,” said Viper. “Hechhhhh!” she hissed, showing off a pair of unusually prominent canine teeth.  
“Oh, uh… hi!” Billie extended a nervous hand. Viper slapped it away and took a step forward, putting her sharp nose right up in Billie’s face.  
“What videogames do you like?” asked Viper.  
“Uhh, w-well I like Field of Duty—”  
“Casual!” Viper barked.  
“Wh—” Billie shook her head.  
“Field of Duty is for kids,” snapped Viper.  
“W-well Coin Capture is for kids, too!” countered Billie, not willing to stand there and take shit from someone who’d just been playing a mobile game.  
Viper’s cheeks reddened slightly and nodded slowly while staring Billie straight in the eye.  
Billie squeezed her head back as far as it would go, pressing her chin into her neck.  
Suddenly viper dropped to her haunches so that her face was level with Billie’s bulge.  
“So is this all balls in there or what?” she asked.  
“What?” Billie took a hurried step back and again tried to cover her bulge with her shirt.  
“That bulge must be all nutsack,” said Viper, popping back up to a standing position.  
“I uh... no it’s…” Billie stammered.  
“We could use someone else with big balls around here.” Viper reached down and grabbed the bulge in her own shorts, wrapping her hands around what appeared to be a fat nutsack the size of a softball.  
“Oh my God…” Billie covered her face with one hand and reached out to a nearby wall for support.  
“Don’t mind her.” Alice’s hands encircled Billie’s shoulders in a grip that felt like a bear hug. She lifted Billie bodily and carried her over to the end of the counter where the last girl was dealing with a customer.  
“This is Juniper,” said Alice.  
Juniper was a Black girl with an Australian accent and a cheerful disposition that shined bright in everything she did. Her smile, her posture, the tilt of her head, the way the puffballs on the side of her head waggled when she nodded to the customers. Just having her around made people happier.  
“Be with you in just a second,” said Juniper, taking down a customer’s information while simultaneously ringing up a sale with her other hand.  
“She’s our best customer service expert,” said Alice. “Plus she’s ambidextrous.”  
Juniper took the customer’s laptop and bid them a happy farewell before turning to Billie.  
“Hi! My name’s Juniper! How can I help you get Freeky today?” Juniper’s smile was bright and broad. So were her hips, now that Billie noticed them. The girl had thunder thighs like nobody’s business, and an ass so plump it spilled over the sides of her chair.  
“You can turn it off, Juniper. Billie’s a new teammate, not a customer,” said Alice.  
Juniper blinked and her body relaxed a little.  
“Sorreee! It’s been a busy day,” said Juniper. The huge puffballs of hair on either side of her head bobbled apologetically.  
“Oh uh, no problem,” said Billie.  
Juniper’s eyes flickered down to Billie’s bulge.  
“Look at you! You are a big one then!” said Juniper.  
Billie’d had enough. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fists.  
“Will everyone stop looking at my cock!” she shouted.  
She shouted louder than she’d meant to and her voice carried through the whole store. Everyone stopped and stared. The customers, the assistants, the stockgirls. Even the manager poked his head out of his office to see what was going on.  
Billie stood in the center of everything. Her face was red. Sweat beaded on her forehead. Every eye in the store was on her. On her bulge...  
Jodie gasped and flung a hand to her chest.   
“She’s starting to hyperventilate!” she cried.  
Billie felt lightheaded. Suddenly her vision faded and she fell into darkness.

***  
Billie woke up in a strange place. Laptops, printers, towers and monitors in various states of assembly littered the workbenches. Bins overflowing with electronic components filled the shelves that lined every wall. Ribbons of cable dangled from hooks and crisscrossed the ceiling like party decorations. The air smelled strongly of hot solder. A handmade sign on the wall depicted a circle with a line through it imprisoning a stick figure beating off a long stick cock. The words underneath said “NO BEATING OFF!”  
“Wh-where am I?” asked Billie, sitting up slowly.  
“Welcome to my domain!” said a deep, modulated voice.  
A towering shadow loomed over Billie. Billie yelped and scrambled backward to try and escape.  
“Woah woah woah!” said the shadow. It reached up to throw back its hood and remove its mask. Billie looked up into the round, freckled face of a buck-toothed girl with a button nose, freckles and a messy bun of brown hair piled high on her head like a clump of yarn.  
“Sorry about scaring you, in retrospect the prank was ill-conceived,” said the girl. She extended a lanky arm from inside the folds of her cloak and offered her hand to Billie.  
Billie took it cautiously and the girl helped her to her feet.  
“You’re in the workroom behind the Freek Squad desk,” explained the girl. “You’ve only traveled about twelve point six feet from where you succumbed to involuntary syncope.”  
“Huh?” Billie looked around.  
“You fainted,” said the girl.  
“And where am I now?” asked Billie.  
The girl, who stood about a head shorter than Billie now that Billie was standing up, rolled her eyes.  
“In the workroom behind the Freek Squad desk!” the girl repeated. She stomped over to the door and opened it. It looked out onto Juniper’s back as the sunny girl laughed and joked with another customer. The sounds of the store outside helped bring Billie back to reality.  
“What caused you to faint, anyway?” asked the girl.  
Billie looked down and played with her fingertips.  
“I suffer from acute dick-related social anxiety,” she confessed.  
The girl nodded with sudden understanding.  
“It’s too small? That’s why you’ve obviously stuffed your shorts—” she reached out to prod Billie’s bulge.  
“I don’t stuff my shorts!” exclaimed Billie. Her face turned beet red and she felt heat rushing to her nethers.  
“You don’t need to be ashamed,” said Chip. “Lots of girls stuff their shorts. Even—”  
“Just drop it! Okay?”   
Billie clapped her hands over her mouth when she realized how loud she’d just been.  
The other girl looked awkward for a bit, unsure what to say.  
“My name’s Chip,” said the girl in the cloak. “I uh... work back here most of the time because my tits aren’t very big. Also: I hate customers.”  
“Oh, kay,” said Billie.  
“Your tits aren’t very big either,” observed Chip, all awkwardness evaporated. “Though the padded bra is nearly invisible to the untrained eye. Did they assign you to work back here? I should warn you, I’m extremely territorial.”  
Billie folded her arms defensively over her boobs.  
“No, I’m not working back here!” snapped Billie. “I work at the desk.”  
Chip looked taken aback, as if Billie’s outburst had surprised her.  
“Well, you should get back to it, then.” Chip hopped back up on her stool and picked up her soldering iron from its stand.  
Billie watched Chip quietly soldering a chunk of circuit board for a few seconds.  
“Please close the door on your way out,” said Chip, not looking up.  
Billie took the hint and left the workroom, being sure to close the door behind her.  
“The prodigal daughter returns!” said Viper, snidely.  
“Feeling better?” asked Alice.  
“You should probably go to the hospital after your shift is over,” advised Jodie.  
“The manager wants to talk to you,” said Piglet. A wicked grin spread across the chubby features of the squat girl.  
The smooth dome of the manager’s bald head shined in the fluorescent lights as he leaned out from the door of his office. The moment Billie made eye contact with him, he slid back through the portal and out of sight.  
Billie took a deep breath, straightened her uniform, adjusted her bulge, and walked as confidently as possible across the floor to the manager’s office.  
The manager, Mr. Blunt, was an immensely fat, almost perfectly spherical man. His gray suit coat was open at the front (there was no way it was going to enclose his enormous belly) showing off a pair of red suspenders.  
“Feeling better, are we?” asked Mr. Blunt once Billie had sat down on the other side of his desk.  
“Er… yes, thanks,” said Billie.  
“Good! Good!” said Mr. Blunt. “I hope you’ve gotten it all out of your system.”  
“Uh…”  
“Don’t think that just because you were a diversity hire that I won’t can you without a second thought if you pull another stunt like that,” said Mr. Blunt.  
“I—”  
“Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on with you weirdos on the Freek Squad. I tolerate it because you girls get results, but I won’t hesitate to make an example of you if I have to.” Mr. Blunt wagged a fat finger in Billie’s face.  
“But—”  
“You keep it in your pants during work hours, you understand?” barked Mr. Blunt.  
“Uh, yes… yessir,” stammered Billie.  
“Good, now don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.” Mr. Blunt stood up to shoo her out, prompting a grateful creak of relief from his office chair.  
Billie staggered out of Mr. Blunt’s office in a daze. The door slammed behind her and she winced.  
“Don’t let Mr. Blunt get you down,” Alice told her. “He’s all bark and no bite.”  
“I don’t care if he fires me,” said Billie, nesting her chin in her folded arms as she slouched across the counter. “I don’t want to work here anyway.”  
“I think you’ll get to like it once you get used to it,” suggested Alice.  
“Alice! Customer wants to talk to you!” called Piglet.  
Alice excused herself to go over and address the customer. To Billie’s surprise, the customer was a woman. Even more surprising, the customer produced a plastic-wrapped plate of cookies from her bag and offered it up to Alice.  
Alice blushed and took the cookies gratefully. The pair talked for a moment and the customer departed the store without even buying anything!  
Billie watched the woman go in astonishment.  
“Is she a friend of yours?” Billie asked when Alice came back.  
“Not really,” answered Alice, unwrapping the plate and selecting a cookie. “Just a customer.”  
“And she just… gave you cookies?” asked Billie.  
“I did a home installation job for her last night,” said Alice around a mouthful of chocolate chip.  
“You must have done a really good job,” said Billie.  
“Customer satisfaction is our priority,” chuckled Alice.  
The rest of the Freek Squad got wind of Alice’s cookies and swarmed around her like piranhas. Within seconds the plate was bare. Alice looked down at the few remaining crumbs in dismay, shrugged her shoulders, and tilted the crumbs into her mouth.  
“Alright, I guess I should start teaching you how to do your job.” Alice wiped the cookie crumbs from her lips.  
For the next couple hours, Alice walked Billie through all the boring details of logging her timesheets, working the ordering system, dealing with customers and all the other boring minutiae of day to day work at the Freek Squad.  
Billie was only half paying attention. Mostly she was noticing how, even though the rest of the customers at Bust Buy were single men, a good many of the customers that came to the Freek Squad desk were women. Attractive women no less.  
At one point, while Alice was showing Billie what to do if she got an error code while trying to process a customer’s rewards number, Billie’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as an enormously pregnant woman waddled through the front doors and made a beeline for the Freek Squad.  
“Oh wow! You look like you’re ready to pop!” said Juniper, grinning from ear to ear at the sight of the hugely gravid brunette.  
The pregnant woman chuckled.  
“Not even close,” she sighed. “Still eight weeks to go.”  
“And you're already so big?” exclaimed Juniper.  
“It’s triplets,” said the woman.  
“What does your husband think?” asked Juniper.  
“Oh he’s bragging to the whole office because he thinks they’re his.” The customer and Juniper shared a laugh.  
Just then, Piglet came out of the workroom carrying a refurbished laptop.  
At the sight of her, the pregnant woman blushed deep red and started fidgeting like a schoolgirl with a crush—though surely she was middle aged!  
“Hi, Piglet!” the pregnant woman grinned awkwardly and waved.  
“Oh uh… hey…” Piglet grunted.  
The pregnant woman opened her mouth to say more, but Piglet vanished back into the workroom so fast it might have been a magic trick.  
“She’s just very busy right now,” said Juniper. “Can we help you with anything?”  
“Oh, uh.. no,” the pregnant woman seemed a little disappointed. “I just stopped by to drop these off for Piglet.”  
She lifted the plastic shopping bag she was carrying onto the counter and took out a chinese food carton.  
“She mentioned she loves pork dumplings,” said the woman.  
“I’ll make sure she gets them.” Juniper beamed. “Like I said; it's crunch time for us.”  
“Of course, of course,” said the woman. She turned to leave, then paused. “And uhh, please tell her not to worry… about—”  
“I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear that,” said Juniper.  
Billie turned back to Alice, who’d moved on to one of the submenus for order processing.  
“Why do customers keep bringing you guys food?” Billie interrupted.  
“Huh?” asked Alice.  
“Like, does that happen all the time?” asked Billie.  
“Not all the time,” answered Alice. “Sometimes they bring us money.”  
“Money?” exclaimed Alice.  
“Yes, but keep your voice down.” Alice pressed a huge finger to her plush lips. “We have to be extra careful about that. We’re not technically allowed to accept tips.”  
“Oh…” said Billie.  
“But then again, we get up to all kinds of things we’re not technically allowed to do,” Alice chuckled.  
Two more women in various stages of pregnancy showed up at the desk during Billie’s training. One of them made a scene demanding to see Viper and had to be escorted off the premises by a pair of burly security guards.  
After about two hours of this bizarre revolving door of different women dropping off food (or, occasionally, actual computer equipment in need of repair), a balloon-breasted blonde in the tight green t-shirt of a stock girl approached the desk, hauling behind her a wagon piled high with boxes, including a vast flatscreen TV.  
“Heyyy!” The blonde gave a friendly wave to the girls at the Freek Squad with her free hand.  
“Hey, Tammy,” said a few of the Freek Squad girls.  
The blonde, Tammy, dropped the handle of the wagon and skipped the last few feet up to the desk.  
“Got an order going out,” she said, popping her gum as she plopped the order slip on the desk.  
“We can see that,” said Viper, rocking herself back and forth in her chair with her boot up on the edge of the desk.  
“Put your leg down; I can see your balls,” said Tammy. “They’re gross.”  
“At least they’re not implants,” retorted Viper.  
Tammy rolled her eyes and turned to Alice.  
“It’s Batterson Street again,” said Tammy, sliding the order slip across the desk to Alice.  
“Again? How many TVs can one person use?” Alice exclaimed as she double-checked the slip.  
“I don’t think it’s the TVs that she keeps coming back for,” said Tammy.  
“Fine, I’ll send over Piglet and Jodie,” said Alice.  
Tammy shook her head.  
“Read the slip.” Tammy reached over and tapped the bottom of the form. “She says she wasn’t happy with Piglet last time.”  
Alice lifted her bangs out of her eyes and held the order slip up to her face. She mouthed the words as she read the “other instructions” section of the document.  
“Blablabla… blablabla… ‘send me someone new,’ exclamation point.” Alice looked from the paper back down to Tammy. “We don’t have anybody new. She’s been through the entire Freek Squad.”  
Tammy gestured to Billie with the tip of her chin.  
“What about her?” asked Tammy. “She’s new.”  
Billie wished for the tenth time that day that she could turn invisible.  
Alice glanced over her shoulder at Billie.  
“She’s too new,” said Alice.  
“Gotta learn sometime.” Tammy shrugged.  
“There’s no way she can handle a job like that on her first day!” said Alice.  
“What do I know? I just stock the shelves,” said Tammy. “I’m just glad I won’t have to be the girl that explains to Mr. Blunt why the account that orders eight grand worth of consumer electronics every month decided to take her business to Circuit Titty.”  
With that Tammy popped her gum and shot finger guns at Alice by way of good bye, then sashayed her way down the aisle back toward the stockroom.  
Alice sucked nervously on her braces.  
Billie watched the huge girl, knowing in the pit of her stomach what was going to happen next.  
Sure enough:  
“Looks like you’re going out on an installation job,” said Alice.  
“But you said I wasn’t ready!” objected Billie. “Th-th-there’s still so much to learn here! Look! I don’t even know how the ordering system works yet!”  
“You can learn that stuff tomorrow,” said Alice. “Right now you get to learn the real nuts and bolts of our job: going to customers’ houses and hooking up their entertainment systems.”  
Billie swallowed a lump of fear caught in her throat.  
“By myself?” she asked.  
“No, you’ll have a supervisor to train you,” said Alice.  
“Oh thank God…” Billie fell back against the wall with relief.  
“Viper!” hollered Alice.  
“Yea, chief?” Viper sauntered up with her hands in her pockets.  
“Installation job, Batterson Street.” Alice jerked a large thumb in Billie’s direction. “Take Billie with you.”  
Viper grinned wickedly, showing off both her oversized canine teeth.  
“Sssure thing, boss,” hissed Viper, winking.  
“But I thought you were my sponsor?” said Alice. “Aren’t you in charge of training me?”  
“I’ve got stuff to do here,” said Alice. “You’ll be fine. Viper will look after you. Won’t you, Viper.”  
“I’ll guard her with my life.” Viper smirked at Billie.  
“Great, take van number three,” said Alice.  
“But-but!” Billie protested.  
Viper grabbed Billie under the arm and started marching her toward the door. Alice took up the wagon full of boxes and followed.  
Billie gulped again.  
What had she gotten herself into?


End file.
